I turned 40 last week, and the trauma has subsided. Although I was initially a little depressed, the more I thought about it, the happier I am to say goodbye to the decade of my thirties. To reduce it to a single phrase, it was 10 years of lessons hard learned. Which is not to say it was a bad decade, but I am happier with life and more comfortable in my own skin than ever, and I’m glad to be right here, right now.
Now, I’m ready to savor a few moments like a fine Bordeaux. Below are the total of knowledge acquired in my four decades of existence. Quite frankly, coming up with 40 was kind of tough, which leads me to wonder if I have really learned anything at all. Am I like a little kid, I just looking at the pictures and skipping the words? Perhaps. Still, I’d like to think I’m smart enough to practice gratitude and remember the small moments, like the picture I took at the right. Just a snapshot of some graffiti, but I love it. It feels true. The same with this list. These may not all be original thought, but I believe them all to be true.
Showing up on time, saying thank you and not being an asshole are underrated qualities for some reason.
The best day of my life was the day my daughter was born. The worst day was the day my father died.
The Grapes of Wrath is the Great American Novel, Citizen Kane is the Great American Movie and Rhapsody in Blue can duke it out with Appalachian Spring for Great American Composition.
My wife’s still got it.
You can get a great bottle of wine for $10.
There’s always two prices for anything: the price and the other price. You want as close to the other price as you can get.
If you exercise every day, you can eat anything you want.
There’s a reason you get three bids for any work you do on your house. For some reason, the low bid is usually not the best deal in the long run.
Just because you can chicken-fry anything doesn’t mean you should chicken-fry everything.
A nice car is a waste of money.
When the nurse calls you with your test results, everything is cool. When your doctor calls with your test results, you better grab a chair.
After you really quit smoking, cigarettes never taste as good as you want them to.
If you want to make a woman like you, make her angry. If you want to make her crazy about you, pretend you don’t care.
Changing your oil every 2,000 miles is unnecessary.
The stuff you are worried about is not the stuff that you should be worried about.
Don’t be a bandwagon fan. Choose your team, and ride that horse, win or lose. Being a fan when your team sucks makes it that much sweeter when they are champions.
Regardless of the score, come early, stay late, and yell your ass off.
Getting fired from a job you hate isn’t worst thing in the world.
To prevent a hangover, the ratio of glasses of water to glasses of alcohol is 1:1.
Learn to say “I’m sorry.”
When your child needs to talk to you, drop everything and listen.
The secret to a perfect martini is shaking it until the ice gets slushy.
Read a poem every day. You’ll learn about language and it heals the soul.
Neither religion nor politics can divide a couple worse than Christmas lights. Big lights, small lights. Clear lights or colored. It’s a minefield. Tread carefully.
You can have a good record collection with five records, provided those five records are from Francis Albert Sinatra, John R. Cash, Ludwig Van Beethoven, John Coltrane and Tom Waits.
“We’ll see” always means “No.”
In a negotiation, the first person to mention price is the loser.
Cold beer on a hot day is proof of the existence of God.
No matter how long I am married, I will never tire of trying to catch a peek down my wife’s shirt.
There are no words that are so satisfying to say, inspire more fear and get more results than: “May I speak to your supervisor?”
Guys, wear a suit and tie to a funeral. It’s not about you.
Any job you have to apply for is not worth having.
White walls are for renters. Own a house? Pick a fucking color. And beige doesn’t count.
The secret to a happy marriage is communication.
Never pet a dog while it’s eating.
Your best friends know your worst qualities and love you anyway.
A fantastic meal can be a transcendent experience and is worth the price.
Central Park on a Sunday afternoon in summer is everything you’d think it would be.
When my daughter calls me “Dad,” she wants something simple, like help with her homework. When she calls me “Daddy,” she wants something expensive, like a pony.
Your oldest friends become more valuable the older you get because they remind you who you wanted to be. Keep as many as you can, as long as you can.
Fantastic list!!! I whole-heartedly agree with the majority of it.
Rhapsody in Blue wins…